The Ninety Twelve

What A Fear of Driving Taught Me About Faith

When I was a wee little lass, I told my parents I did not want to learn to drive and that I would rather walk everywhere. This is not because I was concerned about pollution or getting my steps in but for the super embarrassing reason that I was actually terrified of driving.

Anytime I was in the car with my parents as a passenger, I would get anxious to the point of shortness of breath. I just knew we were going to die. And don’t get me started on merging- that was a nightmare. Seeing the cars already on the highway inching closer and closer within arms reach had me spiraling. I never had a reason to be so afraid. 

It was just something about my eyes man. When I would look over their shoulder and see what was happening on the road, I could see accidents happening. Not really, but in my head. On the road wasn’t the only time either. I would see a glass falling off the counter if I sat it too close to the edge. I would see trip hazards. I would see things potentially going bad and built my world view around it. As a coping mechanism, I began to close my eyes whenever I felt anxiousness rising because I noticed it was easier to cope with the feelings as long as my eyes weren’t confirming them. So long as I let the driver drive and directed my attention elsewhere – I was fine.

At the grown age of 24, I again sat as a passenger in my parents’ car. These old thought patterns and feelings began to creep back in but this time (with the counseling of the Holy Spirit) there was a perspective change. I don’t feel those feelings of anxiousness when I drive because I’m in control. In this thing called life, we have no control. God is the one behind the wheel. 

This is why walking by faith and not by sight is so important. Feelings are going to rise up and when we look around – all we see are confirmations of those feelings. To combat anxiousness, we must take our eyes off of everything going on around us and let the Driver drive.

By the time I was able to muster up the courage to get behind the wheel myself, it took much longer to break the pattern of believing my premonitions than I expected. This happened through a continuous process of training my mind to trust both the Lord and myself. Repetition was my best friend. I would repeat scripture and also prove I believed it by getting behind the wheel time and time again. 

Fear is not your friend and faith is not your downfall. Close your eyes.